...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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