my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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