there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
