Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize