I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
