does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
