Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
