God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
