His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
