I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
