Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
