he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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