she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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