I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
