Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
