If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize