I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
