I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Randomize
