I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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