I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
