i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
