This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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