Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
