he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
