atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
