First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
