just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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