She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize