chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
