I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
