I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you will always have a special place in my vag
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
