I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
