I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
