Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
And then he peed in my hair
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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