I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize