dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
