i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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