Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
