we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
