Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
