at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
