I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she told me i tasted like america
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
