This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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