How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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