Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize