Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
