it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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