My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize