so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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