finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
