need another drink. this is the easiest way
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
