He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize