i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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