help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize