Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
