Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize