I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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