Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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