He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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