Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
