and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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