And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
