i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
