He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
